Oops, it's been a month since my last post. I must have lost my inspiration, along with my sense of smell, after my last entry. Fact is, I have been working quite a bit over the last weeks. Michael Jackson died and bequeathed me a non-stop booking with one of my old news clients. Thanks, Michael! The only draw back was that it meant working back at my old fulltime job, the one I left in 2002. Both my laid-off husband and I have been working freelance for our former employers for the last month. And just like it's almost always a bad idea to go back to your old girl/boyfriend for lack of other options, the same is true for tired old work relationships.
Going back to your ex always feels like settling. Before I got married I avoided that strategy and preferred to stay alone rather than feeling only mildly excited at the thought of my guy. Then why is it that I still lower myself back into the cesspool of drama that is my old office? The answer is: I don't know. Were it only a financial consideration, I'd have the perfect excuse. Instead, I think, it's a mix of the financial aspect and mostly the lure of avoidance. It's harder to start anything really, truly new. My husband and I are thinking of starting a company, outside of my usual field of journalism and production. The idea is exciting, but also totally overwhelming. It's more comfortable to go back and put on those old, worn-out shoes.
Recently, our careers have been such a rollercoaster ride for both my husband and I. Old desires and responsibilities have been replaced by new ones and circumstances have changed. We've never been in a position that is more conducive to change, really good, self-determined change. Yet the thought of this tidalwave has a paralytic effect on us both. I hope this doesn't last, because I don't know how much longer I can keep doing what I'm doing. I'll keep you posted.
